God Bless the Child

Okay, so I can say, without equivocation that I would not think twice about laying down my life for Alex. He delights me in ways I didn’t think possible, and for as much time as I think I spend teaching him, I spend a lot of time learning from him. Everything is new to him, and so I get a new perspective on things as well. A pan of dishwater becomes a play date; pouring a glass of milk and not spilling it is not just quenching your thirst but a demonstration of independence. And watching a child take pieces of your world to make it their world, to color and fill however they see fit, is an experience that’s fun and profound all at once.

I also think, while challenging at times, that Alex is very cool. Don’t get me wrong, he’s two, and therefore prone to fits. Plus, he’s kind of sometimey (which my friend Chris says makes him not cool, but I think moody can be cool). Given the right mood, Alex is very engaging – quick with a smile, and he’s very quick to blow kisses too. Yesterday as his doctor was leaving the exam room, he says bye-bye, and then we hear a smooch sound. We look at him and he has that smirk that says…”uh-huh, I did that”. He’s very charismatic, and he knows how to work it. He is a good balance of the best parts of Walter and I, and usually a great tribute to nurture over nature.

And then there are times when I think that this house isn’t big enough for both of us, and since I pay more than he does to live here, that he’s going to have to roll.

Okay, so, my child…who is exactly 888 days old (I’ll tell you why I figured that out shortly), loves bath time. It may be a big game to him to actually get upstairs, but all in all bath time is fun for both of us. Plus, he’s so in tune with his nether region that it makes me uncomfortable and it gives him great joy to get naked and splash around in the bath tub. So bath time is usually however long it takes for us to both get tired of it.

Except for tonight.

Oh, I also need to point out that, while not the neatest person in the world, I’m pretty clean. I won’t lie and say the child always steps into a pristine tub (toddlers are the dingiest creatures on the planet), but neither will I say it’s EVER a biohazard or that it’s even ever classified as dirty. And – Alex is the only person in the house that uses that tub, so if there is a stray fleck of something…it’s HIS! But lately, Alex has a thing for pointing out stuff in the bathtub – bubbles, the stray hair (and I mean STRAY), maybe a stray piece of lint from his towel. Whatever…so, after fishing out whatever it is (even popping the bubbles, he gets in the tub and it’s business as usual.

Except for tonight.

Made all the more confusing because Ms. Gail, our cleaner was here today and the tub was immaculate (as Walter said, it looked like Jamaica in there), he wouldn’t get in the tub. “Momma, get that”. “Momma, that’s boo boo.” Okay, so this one time, he got in the tub and there was a speck on his butt that got in the tub, and that time I immediately got him out and cleaned the damned tub. So, I’m saying, no, it’s a fleck of lint from the cleaning towels…or whatever, and I try to lift him in and he goes stock straight and bends his legs and refuses to get in. When finally he acquiesces and gets in the tub, he stands there. He refuses to sit down…refuses. When asking him to use his words and tell me exactly what the problem was, exactly why it was, after 887 days of using this exact same bathtub that it was a problem. He couldn’t explain it, but he could decide to not sit. Oh, and I had all that time to figure out that he was 888 days old as we were arguing about why he wouldn’t get in the tub. And yes, we were arguing -- and I was losing!! And in between arguing, he’s hollering for Walter as though I’m trying to drown him and he can’t imagine how an incompetent idiot like me got to be a parent.

So, time’s running out, along with our patience with each other, so I just start bathing him. Do you KNOW how hard it is to bathe a child who’s standing and how the water runs everywhere but back in the tub…down your arm. And forget about washing his hair…so after ten minutes of this, I’m soaked he’s shivering (because HELLO! Not sitting in the warm water is a great way to feel the draft). Walter is observing all of this, and wisely not laughing, because while I would be publicly shunned for hurting the child, the courts are very understanding of a mom who has. Had. Enough.

Finally, this ends, and we’re back in his room and I’m giving him the “you’re not my favorite person” look and he’s giving me the “yeah, you either, buddy” look and we get pj’s on…

…and he rests his head in my lap and closes his eyes and I forget that just briefly, I was going to sell him to the circus. Cheap.

Oh, but for those of you who say…are you going to have another one? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Idol Update:

So by now, you all know that Alexis, one of my favorite who I had really hoped would be on long enough to do a breakout performance is on her way home, but not before she demonstrated that the Judge's Save is some bogus you know what. Okay, so the girl knows she's in the bottom, you tell her that you were considering saving her, you make her SING for her life. She's a bundle of nerves and new to performing and after all of that, you tell her it's not good enough and you send her on her way. Walter has always said that he could not sing after he'd been eliminated, that he'd be too pissed, and I laugh at him and his anger tendencies. But now I see his point; it's not the one time that I won't blame the contestant for lipping off, especially at this point in the competition where, more than likely, your trip home is also a trip back to obscurity. Harumph.