So, time flew by and stood still all at once as I barreled to the inevitable conclusion of having to say good-bye to my Grandmother for the last time. As a woman of faith, I know that my grandmother's soul left this earth seven days ago. But there was still the matter of the funeral. My grandmother, knowing her time was getting short planned the entire service. Which comes as no surprise -- my grandmother likes to plan her own parties, and this, her last one, she ensured was going to be a beaut. So, here are my random observations on the day, in no particular order.
1. Rain, however appropriate for the occasion, complicates things. Umbrellas are a logistical nightmare.
2. I love St. Mary's County -- I love being from there, and it will always be home to me. Having said that, in a lot of ways it's like I step into a time warp. I feel like I'm still a kid, but then I see all the people I've known for a lifetime, and I wonder why they look so old. Life is hard on some. I saw the first person I ever had a crush on and he had no front teeth. What is that?
3. My family is too big. It's virtually impossible to agree on anything. I knew when, at the private family viewing, my aunts started arguing that this was going to be a long day. My family forgot to keep the *fun* in dysfunctional, and I hope in time they can put back together what their sadness and resentment over the years led them to break.
4. There is nothing more comforting for me than the hug from a friend in a time of grief. Hugs through shared grief are nice, and necessary, but it's the ones from your friends -- the family you've chosen - the ones who come solely to offer you support that make you break down, and then sustain you. Maybe it's because in those times, you can be really selfish -- break down, cry, admit that you are not okay. I'm not sure really; I just know that at some point I did something right to have the network of friends that I have. Between the people who were there and the people who called, it's humbling, and a great tribute to what really matters.
5. I was overwhelmed today by the circle of life. I learned today that my grandmother was married in that church. I was baptized, made my 1st Holy Communion, and was Confirmed in that same church, and was back today to say goodbye to someone who has had such a profound effect on the course of my life. I almost expected Monsignor Harris to come out and deliver the eulogy. Of course, he's like 150 now, so he would have been moving slow.
6. I hate when they close the casket in the church, and having to leave the grave site. And I wish that I hadn't seen the workers covering her grave as I was leaving. It's how it goes, but it still sucks.
What follows is what I said in church today about my Grandmother. I will miss her. A lot.
As I watched Miss Fancy courageously battle her illness over the past year, I’ve thought a lot about who she was, and what she’s taught me. There’s not enough time to adequately describe everything she taught me, every memory I will cherish of her, and I would probably forget some of them if I tried. Much of what I learned at her knee was about getting things done. I learned how to snap peas and green beans. I learned how to do laundry. I don’t enjoy it as much as she did, and don’t expect I ever will, but I know how to do it. I know that keeping clothes in the refrigerator makes them easier to iron. I learned how to make cream of wheat last summer when she wanted some and I had no idea what to do. It was my Grandmother who told me to always buy two pairs of shoes at once. I learned that it’s just best to go to a bakery to buy rolls because I could never figure out how hers always came out so perfectly. Some lessons are learned the hard way.
But the things I learned just by watching Grandma are the things that will stick with me the most. My grandmother was very loyal. I watched her take care of my grandfather and my great-grandfather through age and illness, and she did it so quietly, I did not know for years later what a testament of love and loyalty it was. I learned that you can be firm without raising your voice. It’s not that she didn’t yell, but I was far more frightened when she was quiet. I learned that generosity is not always about your wallet, but your time. I know this because she always had time for me. She stayed on the phone while I made macaroni and cheese the first time, warning me that if she didn’t, I’d make a mess of it. So many times when she went to the grocery store it was because one of her kids or grandkids had asked her to make something – vegetable soup, macaroni and cheese, apple-walnut bars, a pound cake. And watching her in the kitchen, I learned that the best cooks not only follow directions, but put a little love in it. I never knew how she remembered that I didn’t eat coconut, but my cousin Ronnie did. I learned the value of hard work, knowing now that my grandmother worked tirelessly until her retirement, and yet there was always a hot meal on the table after we got home from school. I learned that a good cook makes too much, but a great host always has room for one more. I can only hope, particularly in the days to come, that I have learned something about strength.
[For those of you looking, my Idol ramblings will post tomorrow sometime before the elimination show]
That is so beautiful, T. Thank you for sharing. My heart is with you. Know that you are loved... And I'm sure your grandmother is smiling at you. -y
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!
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