Thursday, March 17, 2011

Born This Way

Okay, so DVR has held onto Idol for a full 24 hours. At this rate, I have no hope of posting this before the elimination show, however, I know for a fact that DVR will hold on to the results show as long as I need it. At least, I think I will. My DVR upstairs is very temperamental - prone to fits, amnesia, being absolutely unproductive and apologetic for it. Hmm...I think I know a place it would fit right in.

In the interest of full disclosure, the show was background noise last night while I did all the things we do in preparation for the next day. But I purposely didn't pay attention to the judges critiques to maintain my objectivity. The Idol titles on DVR are very repetitive - "Contestants Compete" and "One Voted Off'. That's it until May, I guess.

The show opens with the Fab Four making a plea for donations for the devastation in Japan, and Steven even finds a way to look...not quite sober...during that. All joking aside (because you know the jokes are about to commence), I still can't quite wrap my mind around what's happening in Japan - the quake, the tsunami, the threatened nuclear disaster. Yet another reminder that there are no guarantees that your tomorrow will look anything like today...we need to keep living out loud, Peeps. A life of silence sounds...quiet.

Anyhoo, Ryan invites us to aMERican Idol! And opens with a nod to Ashthon who's back in Tennessee tonight (as she was last night), and a word about that. I would have thrown the bullsh!t card if they had saved her. I mean, really! How many times would America have to tell the judges that they didn't want Ashthon. I haven't watched that particular results show yet, and something tells me I won't. I was just over here. I still want to know what the judges saw.

Tonight the Idols are singing songs from the year they were born, and I remember thinking last night that some of the songs I was hearing were songs from my lost decade, the 90's, and I felt old. But then I thought perhaps I was feeling old because I'd worked harder than a bullfighter yesterday.

First up is Naima, singing What's Love Got to Do With It (1984. I was a freshman in high school). They say something about bring it into the 2000's, and I'm immediately skeptical. We'll see about this - it could be really really good...or not. Naima is shown in the producers office and she's crying AGAIN. This poor girl. Remember the one from 2 seasons ago that seemed like she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Oh...but she's crying over being separated from her kids. Okay, I take it back. I would cry too, and her Mom goes on to shed some tears over Naima living a dream that she had, and that's very sweet. Okay. Naima begins on the steps that Ryan Seacrest (and Adam Lambert) own. Uh-oh. I don't love this and it's only partly her fault. I don't like the arrangement (but I warned you that might happen). And it seems like she didn't learn her lesson about breathing and moving around on the stage. But the vocals seemed off to me. Oh Naima, you confound me. I want to love you - I love your story, and I love your look, but something's going. Steven pays her a lovely compliment, saying she has a 'sorcerer's grasp on her melody' and that he loved it...what? Jennifer starts off by saying she gave her a pass for last week (SEE?), but that now she's starting to seem consistently pitchy and that she needs to work on that. Randy heaps on that, saying that when he watched last week's tape, he saw that it was not that good (told ya!), and that she's pitchy. So clearly, she confounds them too. We are not off to a good start tonight.

We come back after the break to have Naima tell us that her she gets so worked up it affects her pitch. And uh...yeah.

Paul was born in 1984 too, and I love this guy. He's so fun to me. He's singing Elton John's "I Guess That Why They Call it the Blues", one of my favorites. His voice and his performance style should lend itself well to this song. The producer notes that he's hoarse and says "please come with your full voice". Thank you Captain Obvious. I'm sure he was thinking that maybe he'd try performing on the big stage with just a piece of his voice. Oh! Backup singers! I love back up singers. It's so hard not to adore this man - and here's why I like this. He makes it his own just by how unique his voice is. I just don't expect that simple little voice to come out of his body. He reminds me of a sober Jason Castro. You can tell his still hoarse though, but it's still good to me. Jennifer is singing along (oh, I didn't comment on how she looks tonight...smokin'. There.) He lost me a little bit on the ending with the clenched-Sonny-Corinthos-teeth, but all in all, I sit here smiling. Jennifer notes that he didn't sound like himself, but that she thought it was good. Randy was all...uh-uh - this was bad, you're pitchy, but he likes what he does, and compares him to Ray Lamontaine and...LOVE, and notes that he loves that he puts the "Paul spin on it". Or as I said "he makes it his own just by how unique his voice is... Sigh. Steven calls him a Cool Dude in a Loose Mood, noting the uniqueness of his voice and people are probably starting to recognize that voice. Right?

Thia was born on 1995 -- and when Thia was born, I was in...life. Like I was working and being me. Thia's voice is like BUTTER in rehearsal. She's singing Colors of the Wind, by Vanessa Williams. She should do lovely things with this, but she's going to have to speed it up at some point. She looks and sounds lovely. I just don't believe that this girl is only 16. She's so composed. And I really love her voice tonight, singing this song. After the first two performances, it's...ahem...a welcome change. Well done, Thia. That made me smile. Randy says her vocals are just "okay", but he's having a problem with her singing ALL OF THESE BALLADS. He found her performance boring and "pageanty". Don't say I didn't warn you, Pia. Steven says she thought it was lovely, but asks if that song is a good definition of her? And she says...in a word...no. Jennifer loves the tone of her voice, but basically they are consistent in that she's being safe and let it go. So the judges were too bored to appreciate her voice. Boo.

Adam Lambert's protege James Durbin is up next, and he's singing oh wait -- Hi Kate! Hi Ryder! She's very cute by covering her face with her Chee-tos and she seems genuinely embarrassed to be on camera. James was born in 89 (Junior in college). He's singing "I'll Be There for You", by Bon Jovi...this could work. He's kinda rockin' this tonight - I am liking the arrangement and when he's not screaming at me, you can see that the quality of his voice is really kind of effortless. Oh! Guitar solo. That worked well. Steven calls James on his video, and says he has "leftover sandwiches under his bed older than he is"...and...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Steven says it's good, but cautions him not to go to poppy. James says that Aerosmith had some good music in '89 too (Captain Obvious shows up at the most inconvenient times), but says he didn't want to go Aerosmith too early that he wants to "save it for the finale". And...that was kind of awesome. Like somehow he did it without stepping on the smug-o-meter which just surprises the hell out of me. Jennifer just said she was "acting a fool" and I must shout out to my friend Alenka who just busted out that exact phrase and cracked me the hell up. She loves it, as does Randy who says he did Bon Jovi proud. And while I'm still not a fan, I admit, that was good. It worked for him.

Next up? Haley was born in 1990 (Senior in College) and is singing I'm Your Baby Tonight by Whitney Houston. Oh, so is this her thing? The Betty Boop with the guttural rips thrown in from time to time? The fact that I'm asking if she has a thing means she's starting to bore me, I think. I am not liking this. I usually like her voice, but this isn't working for me. Her voice just ain't Whitney big. Jennifer starts with how beautiful she looks...that ain't good. But I have to admit I'm not listening to anything Jennifer is saying because Haley has lipstick ALL OVER the bottom of her face. Man, live performances suck. Let me rewind...oh wait, I'm not rewinding because Ryan has bought her a hankie to wipe her lipstick. Randy admits, after 10 years, that he's confused. He goes on to say she's picking artists from all over the place and feels like she doesn't know what kind of artist she wants to be. Steven calls Randy a dawg again, which cracks me up every time. Steven says her voice is so distinct and they love the bluesy quality of her voice and they want to hear more of that. That was decidedly eh.

Stefano was born in 1989 as well. He's singing If You Don't Know Me by Simply Red (even though we all know it was Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, but I forgive Stefano because I love him and I love this song.) Stefano starts to sing and I am very happy - he's doing this song justice. He's got a throwback quality to him - the suit with the high tops, very do-woppy. Jennifer is singing along, which I've decided is a good sign that she likes it. I think she's actually falling in love with Stefano just a teeny bit. Okay, he slayed this. His vocals were on point and he obviously took the producers advice. I loved it. And I love Jennifer's makeup tonight. Randy tells us about Harold Melvin and says it's the best performance of the night. Word. He even goes on to say he slayed it. He said slayed and I'm checking my house for bugs tonight. Jennifer's inner cougar comes out a bit and says he's suddenly in it to win it if he does that every week and "sings to her a bit" more. Ryan invites Stefano to go hug his Mom, who is overcome with emotion, and that was a very very sweet moment. Nicely Done, Idol Boyfriend '11.

Pia was born in 1988 (Freshman in college) and it's no wonder Pia is so lovely, her Momma is beautiful!! They show this video of Pia singing Whitney Houston and it's HILARIOUS, because she's doing the wide eyed thing that kids do when they are really feeling a song. She's singing Where Do Broken Hearts Go, by Whitney Houston. You know I love Pia, right? She's really good, sounds great as usual, but I couldn't help but think, really? Another power ballad? Even though the arrangement was fast (which, I am just. not. sure. how I feel about that.) Steven says she nailed it and she's the reason American Idol exists. Jennifer says that she's happy she sped it up (okay, so I guess it worked for her), and that she did a great job. Randy says she's in it to win it. High praise for Pia tonight - she does seem to be the entire package. I can see her getting deep into the competition.

Scotty was born in 1993 (real life), and is it any surprise that he grew up loving Elvis. And not 50's Elvis on the beach, but 70's Elvis with the jewelry and the jumpsuits. I ain't mad at ya, Scotty...Elvis is awesome. He's singing Travis Tritt's Can I Trust You With My Heart? We know Scotty does country very well and I don't expect tonight to be any different. And it's nice. I want to get mad at him for always doing country, but I can't. I love his voice - he's everything that I love about country music - sincere, melodic and beautiful. But Jennifer is not singing, so she might be about to slam him on his one trick. Yeah, I got some Scotty love. Jennifer wants to see him keep growing and wishes he had done what he did in rehearsal. Randy name drops Travis Tritt, and says that they know he can sing anything, but appreciates that he sings what he knows. Steven tells him to just stay in his lane. I'm going to translate their critique, because i think they all said the same thing: "you're totally going to get a country music deal, so let's see how long you can ride this train".

Next up? Karen Rodriguez (who Ryan says was an online audition. What?) was born in 1989 (back to college for me), and she's singing Love Will Bring You Back, by Taylor Dayne. The producer invites her to just be who she is, and her Mom sends her a beautiful heartfelt message. Karen's kinda doing a Bond Girl approach to the stage which is disconcerting. I'm decidedly eh on this. I think it should be better than it is...but I still love when she slips into Spanish, because it's very natural to her. Hmm...I don't know. I think maybe her voice isn't as big as this song. Randy says she started a little rough, and while he's not jumping up and down, it was better than last week. Steven says he loves it when she breaks into her ethnic "what it is-ness", and. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Jennifer gives more constructive performance advice - that as an artist she doesn't have to reach for notes that she doesn't feel comfortable with and to take the liberty to change it up. And that she loves that she seemed to face her fears head on...

Casey James is singing Nirvana. Really?

Hi Tamyra!! Casey was born in 1991 (end of college. Real life.) And he's singing Smells Like Teen Spirit. The producer, I think in his own way, tries to say this may not work, and Casey says he likes taking risks. To which the producer says "do good things." This may be a mess. Okay, the green light and Casey's moody stare makes this kind of spooky. Okay, this is a mess. He's yelling at me and he looks deranged, and as much as I like Casey, I *don't* like this. This made no sense. And the producer was right. I didn't get it. The band was kicking though. And then at the end of the song he just smiles the most angelic smile. In the words of my kid...awkward. Steven says he's crazy and talented, and that's the goop that great stuff is made of. Jennifer says there are parts of it that got "screamy-screechy", and when she said that, you could tell she was all...don't kill me in my sleep. Randy says he's impressed because, like Radiohead and Ricky Muse, that he loves that he puts art before commerce and loves that he's fearless. He loves that about him. Okay, me too. Because I'd prefer to not say anything bad about Casey and him show up on my doorstep asking me to explain myself.

Lauren Alaina has the flu. She was born in 1994. Her Mom says she was a peaceful baby for the first 3 years of her life and then...uh-huh. I know, Mom. I'm living it. I like Lauren. Tonight she's singing Melissa Etheridge I'm the Only One. She better not make a mess of it. Her Dad gets choked up during the video and I just love this whole family. What I don't love is the beginning...but she seems to find the notes, and by the time she gets to the chorus, she is rocking. You can tell she's sick though. Poor thing. Also, I think her nerves are lingering from a bad performance last week. Let it go, Girl, this is a new week. This is just okay for me, but I still like her a lot. Jennifer likes it more than I did, saying she made it her own. In fact, Stev-dy both think she's awesome and that she did a great job.

My buddy Jacob Lusk was born in 1987 (summer, right before I started college). Jacob is clowning his mom about his lack of a singing voice, and even though it's cute, do we really need 2 hours for this? Jacob is singing Alone by Heart. Let's see. The producer (I will learn his name) compliments him for stepping outside of gospel to sing rock, that "only the greats do that". Jacob is hopeful that as long as he puts his "lusty stank" (why paraphrase when what they say is so good?), it should be fine. Let's hope. Is Jacob wearing a Member's Only jacket? Okay - the good - I feel his intensity as he singing, and he really, really wants this. The not so good...I keep thinking back to the year that Carrie Underwood sang this and I thought...oh my, she can win this, and this wasn't that good. I give him a solid A for effort, but I don't know how I felt about it. Ranvenfer are love it - each of them saying in their own way that they love what he did with the song. Okay. I'll go with that.

Okay, that's the night. Bottom 3? Naima, Haley, and maybe Karen?

Okay, It's after 9, so my DVR knows who got the boot, but I don't. See you next week, Friends!

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