19th Nervous Breakdown

Subtitle: From the Alex Files - Extended Remix

Okay, so today I pick Alex up from school, and, as usual, there's a flurry of activity. I think teachers are underpaid as a whole, but Pre-K teachers who have a classroom of children that did not get to go outside and run off energy? Clearly, there's no better evidence that teaching is a labor of love.

Anyway, there's a girl in Alex's class, let's call her Reena (after my imaginary childhood friend). Reena is...um...spirited. I've seen Reena maybe 6 times during drop off, and probably four of those times she's been in the middle of a SPECTACTULAR melt down. Seriously. Tears, screaming, the whole works. And her Mom is nowhere to be found (can't blame her there), so it's not like she's crying out for parental attention (which would be sad, but still, at 6:30 in the morning? Annoying as hell.) So Reena is playing with 2 other girls when I walk in. And near Alex's cubby is the latest science experiment, an egg that's submersed in vinegar until the shell melts/disintegrates/whatever.

Oh, and this is the same child that Alex not-so-politely told that my name was Tyuana, and Walter told me that Alex has remarked to him that Reena tells on everyone, except for her one girlfriend, and sometimes even her. To quote: "Daddy, all day she's "Ms. Tynee-Ms. Neka- Ms. Tynee-Ms. Neka. She's always telling."

(I'm sure a better parent would ask the question - what material is my kid giving her for tattling, but I'm going to work on being a better parent tomorrow.)

Okay, that's the set up.

While Alex is packing his stuff, the three girls are playing with the egg, and Ms. Tynee, the teacher warns them that they have to be careful, that it's still an egg, and will crack. Of course, they are FOUR, so they are fascinated. Reena saying something kind of loud to the other kids, and Alex whispers to me "she's ALWAYS yelling about something.

As you can imagine, 6 four year old hands did not do a good job of holding onto the egg, and it breaks, in Reena's hands. The other girls run off talking about the egg. Alex, who I thought was packing his stuff while I was talking to Ms. Tynee, observes the entire thing and runs off to tell his dude friends Mason and Jackson (not their real names either, I feel compelled to protect the names of children I do not know), and I hear him saying...REENA BROKE THE EGG.

(Long set up, bear with me)

The other two girls come back to the scene of the crime, and I can see that Reena is wearing the evidence of her misfortune on her sleeve, which is wet and reeks of vinegar. Alex is packing up his stuff, and says, "Mommy, did you see Reena break the egg?" Reena gets visibly agitated and starts yelling at Alex "YOU'RE NOT A GROWN UP, ALEX! STOP IT!".

In response, Alex leans into me, I kid you not, and says "here she goes again." And she starts to cry.

So she's standing there crying to me, and I'm trying not to laugh at my kid's OBVIOUS agitation at this girls' emotions, and say -- oh your Mom can wash that up. Don't worry.

Alex: Yeah, ask your Mom to wash it.

Reena: SHE CAN'T WASH IT! I HAVE A BOO BOO.

Alex: [eye roll]

Me: [at a complete loss of words at this exchange] I'm sorry about your shirt.

What else is there to say? This kid is already like that character in Seinfeld that cried over everything.

So then, we are walking to the car, and I say, "Alex, you weren't very sympathetic to Reena".

Alex: But Mommy! She all the time doing that.

Me: Well, that's no reason to tease her.

Alex: She's always yelling at me. SERIOUSLY. She's gonna have to cut that out.

It's losing something as I'm typing it, but after I strapped him in I had to stand outside of the car for a full 2 minutes while I laughed myself silly.

So Alex and Reena should be planning the wedding around 2035.