Okay, so, a couple of weeks ago, I announced to Walter that I thought it would do me some good to get away. Nothing’s wrong, or out of place. I am not escaping to meet with Julio, my Latin masseuse (although if Matthew McConaugHEY happened to be free, I could probably get a pass. Just sayin’.) No, it’s nothing so clandestine. I am just feeling run down, and thought it would be nice to get away to shed the title of wife, mom, friend, working woman and simply, be. You know, sleep until noon, exercise at my leisure (or not), take myself out to eat. Do a little writing, turn in. Repeat. Cast away the cares of the world for 48 hours.
I had been thinking this for several weeks, but it took me a while to give voice to it…why is that? Is it because I want to believe I’m Superwoman and never need to recharge? Is it because time flies so quickly as it is and do I really want to take a precious weekend away from the family? It took me a bit, but ultimately I decided it was either that, or go away for a long time where they give you pills in a cup, no shoestrings, and everyone talks in really gentle voices except for the woman who won’t stop screaming.
Walter told me to go, alleging he was fine with it. He was even telling another friend about it. Together, they both decided that marriage is patently unfair to the husband – that should a husband decide that he wanted to go away for a weekend it would be a big THING where he would have to assure his wife over and over again that it had nothing to do with his state of mind or his feelings toward the family.
And while that might be true FOR HIM, because I tend to be a worrier, and still think that I am responsible for the happiness of those close to me, I can’t help but wonder if…is that true for every marriage out there?
What say ye?
I compared my weekend away to the weekend he took very recently with his best friends from college. He says it’s too different things, and then asked why I never went away with my girlfriends. Lest we awaken the comatose battle between the sexes, I stopped to think, and came up with the following:
- Most of my friends are in the process of raising families and running households. Some of them don’t feel a need for a chick-cation; in fact, many of them find all the nurturing they need within the walls of their home.
- Planning a girls’ weekend, while fun, is also work, and when you get to wherever “there” is, there will likely be activity involved. And while that ordinarily sounds like a blast, it’s not what I had in mind for this particular weekend. (Are you wondering what type of weekend I have in mind? Do you remember that episode of the Cosby Show when Claire “had nothing left to give”, so Cliff sent her to a cabin in the woods? Swap out cabin in the woods for a 4-star, and you’ll get where I’m going with this)
- If I were up for planning a girls’ weekend, I said that while I think any woman could run her household without the husband, but perhaps the opposite of that is not always true. Now before you get on your boxes crying sexist, I don’t mean it that way. The delicate balance of who does what to run a household is unique to every house, and what works for some may not work for others.
- Am I the only person who finds it impossible to stay in my house and do nothing? Something is always clamoring for my attention – be it the stack of outgrown clothes in Alex’s closet, or my own quest to reorganize. I would never just leave the house, take myself out to lunch, then come home and watch tv or read. Even though as I typed that I felt a bullsh!t coming on, so I must do that at some point, right?
So I’ve decided it’s important to take the time. Create a to-do list and put at the top of it “whatever the hell you please”. For two days at least.
What I find interesting is this – I never, ever hear any of my guy friends complain for the need to recharge. Maybe they recharge on a regular basis, no apologies necessary, either out with the fellas for a night, or in their man cave while the rest of the house buzzes on. Maybe the nurturing nature of their spouses leaves them with no need to recharge.
Yeah, right.
Thoughts?
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So here are my 2 cents... which in street market value is only 1 cent since I'm neither married nor have kids! However, I completely see where you're coming from. For some reason we as women don't like to take the time to rejuvenate ourselves because we see it as if it's a luxury, or we are being indulgent! We tend to put others needs in front of our own. That's not to say that some men don't as well, but I think they are better equipped to know when they've hit their limit and make no excuses about needing some "me" time. Us? We lay on the guilt that we can’t do it all and then set out to prove ourselves wrong! (Cue the superwoman theme song) Does she even have a theme song? I bet she doesn’t, I bet she just borrows Superman’s because she doesn’t wanna cause too much trouble to get her own.
ReplyDeleteAnyway… I agree, as much as I love a weekend away with the girls it quite often turns into an "Event" (yes that's with a capital E! - if by some miracle we can coordinate schedules to all get away we are bound and determined to cram every last second with "memories") which is fun and has its place but it's just not rejuvenating!
I'm all for supporting a chik-cation so long as you follow thru and really make your #1 to-do list be whatever you want! And while I’m with you the whole cabin in the woods thing is a little extreme, I think it’s necessary to actually leave your home. It's all too easy to psych yourself out of going out, relaxing, getting a good meal when sitting at home even if your family isn’t around. The key however is NOT to get side-tracked by thinking you need to bring home souvenirs for the kids, oh and while you’re out you should pick up yada yada yada...Eat Drink and Be Merry!!! It's 2 days out of your life... let's put it into perspective!!
I wish we could get a girls vacation going, in which we would plan to do as little as possible, I'm thinking Vegas or Bahamas, or you know, somewhere where we spend a bunch of time drinking, dancing and lounging by the pool. That said, small child and full time job are enough to want to take a time out every so often, and if Walter wants to have one of his own, he should do it as well, everyone needs time to just be themselves with themselves, it helps you appreciate your family more when you return.
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